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Creative Concept Award - Part II

I said I would post a bit more about the Creative World Award’s follow-through when I knew more, and so here I am. My last post contained false information. It claimed, incorrectly, that so far I hadn’t heard anything from them. That was wrong.

Turns out I received an e-mail from Heather Waters, President and CEO of the Creative World Awards, less than 24 hours after discovering I’d won the contest. My spam filter it seems is a bit overzealous… It’s a good thing I’m paranoid about that kind of thing, or I might never have known.

I’ve been given two weeks to fix up my screenplay, and told that it “might generate some interest once it’s 100% polished and ready to go,” implying that it wouldn’t generate interest just yet. This is completely fair. I didn’t win the grand prize, or even first or second place in my category. I won the concept award, which is for best idea, not best execution. My prize is now finally coming into focus… The Creative World Awards gives shockingly different prize packages to each of their winners (there is very little overlap), but you can tell that it’s tooled for the category. The winner of the short film prize gets editing software. Nobody else gets that, not even the grand prize winner, because it’s actually encouragement in prize form for the winner to go and make the short his/herself. My prize corresponds to the best-idea-not-execution category pretty well - they give me two weeks to fix my screenplay based on the excellent feedback they gave me earlier, and anything I’ve thought of since that draft. Then they give the script to an expert, some professor named Jack Boozer, who will read it and give me development notes over the phone. What comes after that is a bit of a mystery. Clearly they’re trying to help get my script in great shape, and the e-mail they sent me seemed to imply they’d get it (once fully polished) into the right hands. Of course, the only thing I’m guaranteed is that phone call, but I’m starting to see why the CWA has a reputation for developing a relationship with the writers. They really seem to try to push people in the right direction. And my direction is towards a stronger script.

Admittedly, I’ve always been an idea kind of guy… Up until two years ago, I believed that if I ever smashed through the wall of the entertainment industry and became a feature director, I’d hire somebody to turn my ideas into screenplays for me. I took a screenwriting class just to get an idea of what it involved. I figured the more educated I was on the whole process, the easier I would be to work with. Less than three months later I had my first feature script and a new career goal of writer/director. Oops.

Off to start making revisions. Wish me luck!

Winner - 2011 Creative Concept Award

I won the 2011 Creative Concept Award for Sleepwalkers in the Creative World Awards. It’s one of 16 different prizes they give out, and one of the four I was eligible for. Obviously I’m ecstatic - I didn’t expect to make it to the finals, let alone win. And yet here we are!

I found out I won from the contest website. So far, nobody’s contacted me about my prize (mine is the only prize with no monetary component, but I’m theoretically supposed to get exposure and some one on one time with an expert).

I know I endorsed the Creative World Awards here in the past. I don’t take back what I said, but I was reviewing it from the perspective of someone who lost their contest. Now that I’ve won (well… won something), I get to judge them by a different criteria - whether they follow through on my prize, and more importantly whether I get contacted by any producers, directors, agents or managers because of this.

Obviously winning looks good on a resume, and great feedback is a nice bonus, but there’s no reason to enter a screenwriting contest if winning it gets you no closer to your big chance. I’m still very excited about the win, but as a general rule I try not to get my hopes up.

If and when anything comes of this, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Food Court and Vegan Sally

Food Court was an idea I had a few years back for an animated children’s television show. It takes place in the food court at a suburban mall where all of the fast food stands are owned and operated by the chain mascots.

The characters themselves were mostly based on famous fast food mascots. Rob the Clown was the main character - he wore a suit, so you knew he took his job seriously. Katie was his best friend/love interest, and the two of them were the closest to sane out of anyone in the show. The Sergeant was a crazed war veteran of a war that never happened. Panda owned the most successful chain, which was odd because he was an actual Panda (unable to talk, and theoretically unable to prepare or sell food). The most popular character, though, was completely original: Vegan Sally.

Vegan Sally owned and operated the Vegan Food chain, and loved EVERYTHING. She was supposed to be friendly, but extraordinarily creepy at the same time.

She pretty much stole the show in the 15 second animated pitch I made for the show (after misunderstanding the rules of a Nickelodeon contest).

And when I finally got around to learning 3D animation and wanted to animate an original character, I knew what I wanted to do pretty much right away…

I still really like this character. I still really like this whole concept, actually. I’m planning on writing an original pilot this semester as an exercise… I’ve been returning to this concept again and again over the years. Maybe it’s finally time to get an episode written.

NOTE: THIS CONCEPT, THESE CHARACTERS, AND EVEN THESE DESIGNS ARE COPYRIGHT JASON MERRIN 2009 AND ARE REGISTERED WITH THE WRITER’S GUILD OF AMERICA.

Sleepwalkers and Screenwriting, Part 2

I probably should’ve mentioned this last week, but Sleepwalkers is now a finalist in the Creative World Awards. Hooray! I don’t expect to win, but I definitely consider this a big deal.

Enough with the self-praise. Nobody can learn anything from that. It’s time to tear myself down! Here are some of the things I did wrong in Sleepwalkers, and hope to correct in the next draft:

• Avoided the allure of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. The female love interest in Sleepwalkers isn’t a character. She’s whiny male fantasy object. Whiny males such as myself. There’s certainly something seductive about writing a mysterious girl who appears to turn your life around, but by using her as a device she becomes just that. She needs her own arc, even a small one. Her own problems, her own reasons for doing things. Beware the Manic Pixie Dream Girl! Plenty of articles have been written about this already, so I’ll move on.
• Held on to some of the cards. I feel like this one isn’t completely my fault. My screenplays have a decidedly sci-fi/fantasy bent to them, one small element that sets the world I create apart from our own. It’s my opinion that you don’t need the rules of this new world explained. It’s enough that they exist, and that people are affected by them in some way. I loved Inception, but when I rewatch the movie I can’t help thinking about how the first third of the film is essentially confusing exposition, and how it becomes much easier to follow once we see the rules in action rather than hear them being explained. In my screenwriting class, I was told to make the rules more explicit so that people could follow the story more easily. I fought it at first, then caved. I regret it now. It just feels weird to me, and unnecessary. Scratch that first thing - this is entirely my fault. When writing, go with what feels right to you.
• Had subplots. Where are my subplots? Surely I must have had at least one! Nope, my story sticks pretty rigorously to the main character throughout. I greatly admire movies that can juggle multiple plotlines and have them all come together somehow at the end of the film. That being said, I feel like most movies do that. I don’t know why I didn’t flesh out even one minor character. Subplot for the love interest, subplot for one of the friends… It would have gone a long way.
• Made the dialogue more realistic. Not every line has to be drenched in foreshadowing, exposition, or layered meanings. It comes off as cheesy. Maybe it’s true that “every line should count for something,” but maybe it’s enough if that something is credibility. We need to believe these characters. And like them.

I don’t think I’m going to win this contest. There are three prizes I’m eligible for - Grand Prize, 1st Prize in my category (Horror & Fantasy), and 2nd Prize in my category - but my screenplay is probably too flawed to win anything as it is now. That being said, it’s an improvement on last year. I’m learning from my mistakes, and maybe next time my screenplay will be winner material.

I have trouble sitting still. I’ll make those revisions one day, and my screenplay will be better for it. For now though, I think I’m going to move ahead with my next idea instead. It’s another “set in our world, with a twist” kind of story. I’m really excited about it.

Sleepwalkers and Screenwriting

I think it’s about time I talk about Sleepwalkers.

Sleepwalkers is my second feature length screenplay. I wrote it in the spring of last year for my advanced screenwriting class at the University of Pennsylvania. The goal was a romantic comedy/sci fi/drama/fantasy movie in the vein of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (or any other film penned by Charlie Kaufman). Far from perfect, the completion of this screenplay excited me for two reasons: one, it was based around an idea that had been stuck in my head for over a year prior to my putting it on paper and two, it was filmmable, meaning that I could, theoretically, make this movie on a budget first thing out of college.

I ended up submitting it to a screenwriting contest, the Creative World Awards. I entered my first screenplay, a sci-fi psychological thriller called Jonathan Maine, in a total of four screenwriting contests. It did relatively well in about half of them, but since these things are not cheap to enter I ended up submitting Sleepwalkers to only the contest where Jonathan Maine fared best. Jonathan Maine made it to the semi-finals of that contest before petering out. I haven’t said anything until now for fear of jinxing it, but Sleepwalkers just matched that accomplishment and, come Monday, we’ll see if it becomes a finalist.

An added advantage to the Creative World Awards is that they send you a judge’s scorecard so that you can see how you did piece by piece. There are 28 elements of your screenplay marked numerically, an average score that is used for judging, and a “pass/recommend/consider” marker that is used in real script coverages done by studios. Sleepwalkers got a “consider” and scored an 8.38 average rating (0.12 higher than Jonathan Maine’s average).

I’m crossing my fingers that I make it to the finals this year. As I said earlier, the screenplay is far from perfect. Still, it would be nice to have such an easily identifiable sign that I’m improving as a writer. Maybe my next screenplay will crack the top 10!

And now, for your consideration, some of the judge’s comments (there have been three rounds of judging so far - I only get to see comments from the first round). Plot details have been edited out due to spoilers.

BASICS: Sleepwalkers is a fascinating, imaginative fantasy-drama that plunges us into two different worlds – the ordinary world we know in our waking hours and the strange world that exists for people who sleepwalk. The story concept has great potential for a popular film or even a franchise or television series. Although there are many format problems (such as unneeded transitional devices and faulty intercuts), the Twilight Zone hook contrasts the two worlds and immediately engages the reader, and the payoff at the end is poignant and triumphal.

CHARACTERIZATION: Currently, we do not see the key characters (Ben, Allison, Amanda and Kate) as real, three-dimensional people. Ben is attracted to Amanda, a co-worker, and Allison. But we could get to know them better, their external wants, and their internal needs. Fuller development of their backstories and goals in the first half would help us empathize and go on their journeys with them.

STRUCTURE/PLOT: The story structure is sound, though the plot is somewhat narrow. Plot points are powerful, beginning with the hook, the catalyst, and the first turning point.

[ENTIRE PLOT RECAP REMOVED - SPOILERS!]

The central storyline is well constructed, and scene description is artful and imaginative, but often prosaic and interrupts the flow of dialogue. Occasional references to wishes, thoughts, or past actions cannot be filmed and could be cut. Flashbacks and flash forwards tend to confuse things a little.

A strong supporting thread or two would provide more depth, momentum, and increasing conflict across the story arc. Not least, in the rewrite, it might be good to consider holding back some of the revelation of Sleepwalkers’ world and let the reader / viewer figure it out downstream.

DIALOGUE: At times the dialogue is compelling and helps drive the story forward; at others the characters’ speech is often on the nose and includes little subtext to keep the reader guessing at meaning and underlying character traits. While we see some interesting writing tools, like voiceover and sounds bridging across scenes and settings, all the characters sound much alike.

TREND AND MARKETING: There has always been and always will be room for an engrossing romance with a unique, credible fantasy element. Such classics as Sleepless in Seattle, Memento, Deja Vous, Somewhere in Time, Ghost, Phantom of the Opera, and Twilight make the point. A well-crafted pitch for Sleepwalkers certainly would pique the interest of many filmmakers.

FINAL NOTE OF ENCOURAGEMENT: With a plot / subplot brainstorming session and a strong rewrite and polish, with empathetic, three-dimensional characters, natural dialogue, effective story threads, and efficient scene description, the final script can be a real page turner. The story concept is fascinating, with towering potential and the promise of taking us to a unique, shadowy world. For this reason, this script truly deserves consideration.

NOTE: Out of all the screenwriting contests I’ve entered, I’d say the Creative World Awards was probably my favorite, and not just because it’s the one that my scripts have done best in. Most screenwriting contests are closed book events - two of the ones I entered posted no finalist stages and jumped straight to the winners. Many offered a chance to get judge’s feedback included for insane markups - an additional $50, $100, $150… One of the other contests I entered gave me judge’s feedback that was only a page long and pretty much exclusively numerical. The Creative World Awards gives you preliminary finalists, quarter, semi and then regular finalists before announcing the winners, and most of that is done by category to make sure that you have a fair shake regardless of your choice of genre (The Matrix is never going to compete with Citizen Kane until the final round, and even then there’s a prize for best in genre). And, of course, their judge’s feedback is extraordinarily helpful, very specific, and only costs an extra $10. I’d enter this one first if you can.

Work For Hire

I’ve been working on some work for hire projects this summer. I got permission from my bosses to share the final product… It’s here if you’re interested! Enjoy…

Here’s a project I did for hire last summer, which is how I got this job:

If you’re interested in hiring me for a video or animation project of any kind, you can contact me at Jasmerrin@gmail.com.